So, after we had a very nice meal of  grilled lemon salmon fillets, we felt sleepy – as usual after a sea food meal- so we relaxed watching cartoon then turned it off and both kids offered to pamper me with a very lame feet massage hehe (tiny hands Vs. big feet).

So, Hassan(8 ) began a conversation by asking a very innocent straight question about how couples “agree” to get married.

It wasn’t the first time my kids discuss their thoughts about those  difficult to handle issues with me…they are always free to ask and i always respond as honest as i can while maintaining the child friendly picture and vocabulary!

He then asked, what if one refused, and do they need permission to remarry…i answered simply as we laughed some words they couldn’t pronounce correctly and silly thoughts…then Jumana (6) asked: how do couples know they want to get married, I answered: well, they feel they can make a good family and they are nice together and like each other so they know. she asked again: OK, who asks first, and i found myself automatically answering that the man asks first and quickly she asked: why?? why not the woman?? the Hassan asked the same and i said: well, she could but normally the man asks…they both exclaimed: why wouldn’t she normally ask him. they both paused, looking at me waiting for an answer…

Well, I explained that it’s something people agreed on “somehow” and became the norm.

They weren’t convinced why would people agree “somehow” on that…yet theychanged the subject and kept asking me how come i am not pregnant and getting them a baby to play with, so, i explained that i have to have a husband first and i thank god they have not asked WHY…Jumana remembered that i had her in my tummy and delivered her so she asked: mama, have you opened your tummy?? i said yes, to get you out to life…she asked: by yourself?? so i explained non graphically about the c- section.

Now, kids questions raise important points…

What puzzles me is: If most customs people “somehow” agree to make them the norm and generation after generation those norms get more deeply rooted to the extent that people can fight battles and kill lives to defend them, If most customs are man made…centuries ago…centuries ago some man or woman sat one night and decided that their way of thinking is right, applied it on their sons and so on and so on…so, a private thought that served a private matter and a man/ woman best interest developed to be a norm for a society or several!!

While other norms were configured by men or women that had the power to apply their thoughts on masses of people…

I just remembered when the Egyptian family laws were changed because Jihan alsadat cousin wanted divorce…before that happened, the famous movie ” oredo 7alan” was the way egyptians dealt with women asking for divorce, but Jihan made it a tad easier, not that she needed to change laws ;)

Anyways, now, someone loooooooong ago made the rule – for an example – for men to propose and women to get all blushed and whisper yes while looking down to the floor.

In Islam, for an example of religions, and that was LOOOOONGER ago, ladies asked to marry men they liked and in a very elegant way and vice a versa.

So, Norms don’t have to be attached to religion to gain importance and validity…actually most of them have nothing to do with religions. yet they gain same level as laws sometimes.

Question is: are you willing to let a norm made by someone long ago to serve his own interest, RULE YOUR LIFE??

My answer is: If it defies what I believe or want, my answer is NO.

and this is no 3antary response…What i believe is my private book of rules that I choose for my life…what i want is what i choose to use to live with, it maybe man made, a custom, a religion or such norm.

It may not be that simple but really really, it should!

On a last note, if that was how a norm would start, we should watch out to keep our private set of rules…private??!!!